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What the Characters from Breaking Bad Would Drink During the Finale and Maybe You Should Too.

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Tonight the final episode of AMC’s Breaking Bad will air. For those who may not know about the show it can be very basically summed up like this: The main character begins as the series as a high school chemistry teacher, gets cancer then decides to “cook” methamphetamine to earn money which he plans to leave to his family. Drama, hilarity and everything in between ensures. We both enjoy the series very much and are highly anticipating tonight’s finale. We in fact been thinking about the possible ending scenarios, who may survive, and if this finale can live up to the rest of the series so much this past week that we even began discussing what beers the characters would drink if they could sit back to watch the ending themselves. Yes we have discussed, at length, in our fantasy scenario if the fictional characters from Breaking Bad were able to watch the last hour of said series what beer would they choose to drink? To come up with the scientific and exactly correct answer for each character we spent (way too much) time putting ourselves in their shoes. Here are the beers we came up with for a few of the characters on the show. Aside from being what we think these characters may drink if they were able to step out of TV Land and watch the finale, these beers would also make a good companion to those of us who will be watching the end in the real world. Crack one open and enjoy, bitch.

Hank Schrader

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Rest in peace, Hank. Though like many charachters on the show, you didn’t actually make it to the finale, we would imagine you’re up in heaven drinking an Oktoberfest. Since we know the homebrewing laws aren’t very progressive up there, you probably have to forgoe the Schraderbrau for a commercial, widely available example. We suggest Ayinger Oktoberfest, our favorite of the season, and hope it’s served to you in a big, frosty mug and Marie isn’t around to nag you about drinking on all the white furniture.

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Mike Ehrmantraut

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Come on, do you really think Mike Ehrmantraut would even waste his time with beer? Mike was a man of action and if he was going to drink, he would get the job done quickly and efficiently. That’s why his beer of choice is whiskey, on the rocks please.

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Gustavo Fring

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Gus Fring was not your average fried chicken baron, though he did have the glasses, but lacked that delightful white, fluffly facial hair. This was a man who did charity work for the police while distributing meth right under their noses. A man who, before kneeling down to throw up poison that was in his system, took off his suit jacket, folded it and laid out a towel so his knees would not touch the bathroom floow. He wasn’t exactly your average Joe so we would not expect him to drink an average beer. This is why his choice is Pliny the Younger, year round. We know he could have pulled some strings at Russian River and made it happen.

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Walter White

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Ah, Walter White. Remember the mild mannered chemistry teacher who thought he could have done great things with his intellect, if only he hadn’t gotten a raw deal? Pre meth empire, of course. This guy was your average, 40 something, middle class dad, but he did have a bit of an elitist streak in him even then. Because of this, we think he would have gone with Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPA. To us, a fairly tame choice, but he would have felt smugly superior to his friends and colleagues drinking Bud Light at social gatherings.

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Heisenberg

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Once the hat goes on, the 60 Minute IPA is out the window. Heisenberg can’t be bothered with a beer that isn’t thrilling, extreme and somewhat dangerous. This is why he goes with Meph Addict (aka Tweak) by Avery. Despite it’s fitting fitting name, this is an obvious choice due to its high ABV and difficulty to acquire. Like that illusive blue meth, Meph Addict isn’t a beer you brew up in your garage (unless you’re Bobby Rodriguez), but it is worth the extra effort to acquire. You know, until you have drug kingpins gunning for you and your family and consider perhaps you should have just had a cup of tea.

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Jesse Pinkman

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Can I have a beer now, bitch? We figure if Jesse makes it through the final episode this will probably be the first thing he says post Breaking Bad. Though Jesse has evolved into a complex character that many have fallen in love with, at his core there are still flashes of him being an immature little kid that was manpulated by his older, wiser teacher. And we think that immature, child like spirit would pick a beer solely because it contains his favorite word in the English language.

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Written by A+K

September 28th, 2013 at 6:04 pm

Posted in Humor,Musings

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